*This writing contains references to bullying, addiction, abuse, death, and sex.
Marcy’s Story:
“I started drinking when I was nine years old. The moment I took my first drink, I couldn’t stop. I had a flask of McCormick’s Vodka that I took with me wherever I went. Before that, I lived with my mom and dad on the main floor of our house. My stepfather and two older stepbrothers lived in our basement. My life changed when I was eight years old. The day Mom passed away. It was ruled an undetermined manner of death. She fell asleep and didn’t wake up. I will never know why.
After that, Dad spent more and more time at work. The days he skipped coming home from work went from days to weeks. I asked my stepdad why my dad didn’t want to be around me. Why didn’t he come home? My stepdad said I was the spitting image of my mom.
When winter came, we chose a spot on the basement floor to make a fire. We stayed warm by burning the furniture. The fire started to create ash on the ceiling above and then made a hole. Upstairs, the floor began to sink. I will never forget that hole in the floor. I fell through it many times.
At school, I didn’t have friends. I had bullies and lice for one year until a teacher shaved my head. This led to more bullying. My stepbrother had friends, so they became my friends. They also sold drugs.
By the time I was ten, I learned how to sell drugs to buy food. I also started to sell my body. I coped with it all by using alcohol and drugs. Around that time, my oldest stepbrother joined the army, and my stepfather and other stepbrother moved out of the house. Dad came home every few months. When he came home, he was in a state. He would just start ripping up sections of carpet, tear out sections of floors, and half-paint walls. And then leave the house in shambles.
At fifteen, I got caught selling drugs in school and was expelled. Since my dad was my only legal guardian, he had to be the one to pick me up from school, or he would go to jail. The day he picked me up, he drove me to a house in another town. He then introduced me to his wife and kids. I chose to become homeless after the new wife gave me bruises to hide. I got my first job and lived on the streets until I saved enough money for my first apartment. I fell in love and got engaged.
I had given up the drugs but not the alcohol. I was terrified to give up alcohol because it promised confidence, power, and attention. Of course, it gives you none of that.
I was also terrified if I gave it up I would become boring, and it was scary to think I would just fade into the background. So, I kept drinking and became sicker. I always took it as a joke when someone would talk about how bad my drinking was until I had a conversation with my fiancé that will forever be burned into my memory.
I don’t understand, I said. You are willing to marry me but not have children with me?
He said, Do you want to know the truth? What I see for our future is you bottle-feeding yourself while I am bottle-feeding our baby.OMG, I thought. I’m an alcoholic. There is something really wrong with me.
He left me, and I became very sick. I spiraled. Eventually, I found my first AA meeting. For three years, I couldn’t make it to three months of sobriety. During this time, I asked thirty women to be my sponsor. They all said no.
One afternoon, I was dressed in my pj’s when I met with an older woman in AA. She agreed to be my sponsor. She helped me become sober at 21. I worked things out with my dad. My sponsor eventually became my family. And her family, my family. They hired someone to photoshop me into their old family photo! Can you believe that?
This year, I am excited to color eggs and reclaim pieces of my childhood. I didn’t get to do the things other kids got to do. Last fall was the first time I had ever carved a pumpkin.
I have made some bad choices that led to some bad experiences. I am so grateful for the people in my life who showed me there was another way to live. I wouldn’t have known there was unless someone had taught me.”
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Thank you, Marcy, for trusting me with your story. As a future educator, you have a deep understanding of overcoming adversity and compassion to share not only with your students but with all of us.
